- Tornado dream.
- Quilt analogy.
- Garden analogy.
- Fire analogy.
A Change of Heart
January 1, 2013
I have felt that I needed to share this story for several days and this is my first opportunity to sit quietly and do so.
2012 was a wonderful year. It was crowned by the sealing of my oldest daughter Amberly to her sweetheart Kevin Stevens. Amberly and Kevin were engaged for 5 months. They chose to stay focused on the sealing ordinance and try not to get too caught up in the extras of the wedding day although they did have a reception that night at one of the church buildings in our stake. I appreciated the low stress wedding preparations, especially since this is my first year to work full time.
I was asked frequently in the couple of months leading up to their wedding on December 22nd, if I was stressed out. I could honestly answer no, I wasn't. Amberly and Kevin managed most everything. I did volunteer to take care of a few details. I really felt calm about the wedding until Kevin's sister Terri let us know she would like to stay with us for the couple of days before the wedding, as well as her sons, Jacob with his wife Nia and their two young boys and Nathan and his wife Kelsey and their baby Benson. We also thought Rachel and possibly her husband Kyle would be coming.
My house has been a wonderful place to raise our family, but by the standards of the day, our house is a bit small and not as much a showcase as many of the homes that surround it now. Most of the time this doesn't bother me in the least, but to have so much company, caused me to notice the flaws and imperfections I usually don't bother to notice. I let it get to me. When people asked if I was stressing over the wedding, I would retort, "No, just about all the people coming to stay."
I am embarrassed to admit that I grumbled and complained that Terri and her family would come at such a busy time for us. I really let myself feel put out.
Exactly one week before Christmas and 4 days before Amberly's wedding, I went to our combined Young Women activity. Sweet Melissa Karren and her advisors had a wonderful activity that they worked hard to pull off. They told the girls we were going caroling. Brrr it was so cold, but the girls and leaders bundled up and headed out. We were met with dark houses and people hiding and turning off lights when we rang their doorbell. One family even answered the door and gruffly said they just didn't have time for us to carol. The leaders knew what was going on, but the girls didn't realize that these responses were prearranged. Melissa told the girls to just start heading back to the church, but when we rounded a corner, we were met by Bro. Rodham dressed as a shepherd with a big fire layed out on the sidewalk. We all gathered around and he told the story of the shepherds receiving news of the Savior's birth by the angel. He then told us he had been asked to lead us to a place where we wouldn't be turned away, but would always be welcomed in.
We walked, not too far to Melissa's backyard. She had changed her freestanding garage into a beautiful stable, complete with Mary, Joseph and the baby Jesus. A wonderful young couple in our ward spoke to us as if they were the divine family. (Brinley, the baby Jesus fussed a bit, but it didn't take away from the spirit of the occasion.) Something Whitley (Mary) said changed my heart completely in an instant. She asked what we were doing to let Christ into our life that Christmas season and as soon as she said that the scripture in Matt. 25 came to my mind like a voice saying, "when ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me."
I realized that there is no inconvenience too great that would cause me to complain if Mary, Joseph and baby Jesus were going to stay with me. Why was I so upset to have Kevin's sister and her family stay with me? Right then my whole focus changed. I would gladly go to any inconvenience to welcome the Turner family to our home. And we did. And it was the greatest Christmas experience I remember having in years.
I'm so thankful for the scriptures, for inspired members of our ward, for a patient and loving husband and children who all happily moved from their own rooms to welcome their cousins into our home. I'm so thankful for the change of heart I experienced this year. I hope it will stay with me forever. I hope to welcome Christ into my heart over and over again in the year 2013 by making room for whoever needs me.
Answered Prayer
January 1, 2013
I have felt that I needed to share this story for several days and this is my first opportunity to sit quietly and do so.
2012 was a wonderful year. It was crowned by the sealing of my oldest daughter Amberly to her sweetheart Kevin Stevens. Amberly and Kevin were engaged for 5 months. They chose to stay focused on the sealing ordinance and try not to get too caught up in the extras of the wedding day although they did have a reception that night at one of the church buildings in our stake. I appreciated the low stress wedding preparations, especially since this is my first year to work full time.
I was asked frequently in the couple of months leading up to their wedding on December 22nd, if I was stressed out. I could honestly answer no, I wasn't. Amberly and Kevin managed most everything. I did volunteer to take care of a few details. I really felt calm about the wedding until Kevin's sister Terri let us know she would like to stay with us for the couple of days before the wedding, as well as her sons, Jacob with his wife Nia and their two young boys and Nathan and his wife Kelsey and their baby Benson. We also thought Rachel and possibly her husband Kyle would be coming.
My house has been a wonderful place to raise our family, but by the standards of the day, our house is a bit small and not as much a showcase as many of the homes that surround it now. Most of the time this doesn't bother me in the least, but to have so much company, caused me to notice the flaws and imperfections I usually don't bother to notice. I let it get to me. When people asked if I was stressing over the wedding, I would retort, "No, just about all the people coming to stay."
I am embarrassed to admit that I grumbled and complained that Terri and her family would come at such a busy time for us. I really let myself feel put out.
Exactly one week before Christmas and 4 days before Amberly's wedding, I went to our combined Young Women activity. Sweet Melissa Karren and her advisors had a wonderful activity that they worked hard to pull off. They told the girls we were going caroling. Brrr it was so cold, but the girls and leaders bundled up and headed out. We were met with dark houses and people hiding and turning off lights when we rang their doorbell. One family even answered the door and gruffly said they just didn't have time for us to carol. The leaders knew what was going on, but the girls didn't realize that these responses were prearranged. Melissa told the girls to just start heading back to the church, but when we rounded a corner, we were met by Bro. Rodham dressed as a shepherd with a big fire layed out on the sidewalk. We all gathered around and he told the story of the shepherds receiving news of the Savior's birth by the angel. He then told us he had been asked to lead us to a place where we wouldn't be turned away, but would always be welcomed in.
We walked, not too far to Melissa's backyard. She had changed her freestanding garage into a beautiful stable, complete with Mary, Joseph and the baby Jesus. A wonderful young couple in our ward spoke to us as if they were the divine family. (Brinley, the baby Jesus fussed a bit, but it didn't take away from the spirit of the occasion.) Something Whitley (Mary) said changed my heart completely in an instant. She asked what we were doing to let Christ into our life that Christmas season and as soon as she said that the scripture in Matt. 25 came to my mind like a voice saying, "when ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me."
I realized that there is no inconvenience too great that would cause me to complain if Mary, Joseph and baby Jesus were going to stay with me. Why was I so upset to have Kevin's sister and her family stay with me? Right then my whole focus changed. I would gladly go to any inconvenience to welcome the Turner family to our home. And we did. And it was the greatest Christmas experience I remember having in years.
I'm so thankful for the scriptures, for inspired members of our ward, for a patient and loving husband and children who all happily moved from their own rooms to welcome their cousins into our home. I'm so thankful for the change of heart I experienced this year. I hope it will stay with me forever. I hope to welcome Christ into my heart over and over again in the year 2013 by making room for whoever needs me.
Answered Prayer
November 18, 2012
I was reminded today during our Sunday School lesson of the importance of writing down our spiritual thoughts, feelings and personal revelations. I always think I will remember everything about them, but I know that isn't true. I recently had an 8-year prayer answered and I kept thinking I should write the experience down, but today I could tell Heavenly Father was speaking directly to me in our Sunday School class and telling me to write down my experience.
This experience involves female information and I tend to be very open and direct so if that kind of thing makes you uncomfortable prepare yourself.
I can't remember exactly when this female issue began, but I don't remember dealing with it before I started teaching so I say it started about 2005. I gradually began having some uncomfortable cramping a few days after I ovulate. The best way I've been able to describe it is it feels like labor cramping, not ovulation cramping or menstrual cramping. A cramp will slowing begin, strengthening in intensity like a contraction, but it will last anywhere from 15-30 minutes, peaking in intensity about 3/4 of the way through. This will happen anywhere from 2-8 times in a 24 hour period and last anywhere from 2-10 days. I have gone to several doctors and tried many "natural" products and even though some seem to "take the edge off," nothing has helped. It's been the only chronic medical condition I've had in my life.
I've been pretty diligent about trying to figure out what is causing this, but even the doctors I've visited haven't figured it out. They usually will tell me it's PMS and I need birth control pills, but I can't take them because they give me blood clots.
Needless to say, I have wearied the Lord with this problem. Especially in the year 2012. I went to another doctor and had a sonogram and found no answers. This summer when my sisters and I were driving home from St. George from Sister's week-end, the conversation triggered an idea to try to relieve the cramping symptoms. I thought maybe I should have an IUD inserted to see if that would help.
A few weeks later I made an appointment and had the procedure done. When the anticipated time for the cramping arrived I had no cramping. I told myself not to get my hopes up, but after a week of no cramping, I really thought the Lord had helped me solve this problem. I had many prayers of gratitude thinking the problem was solved, but unfortunately the IUD had just messed up my timing and a week after I had anticipated the cramping it came in full force. Needless to say I was very disappointed. So disappointed I couldn't even talk to Heavenly Father about it. I avoided the subject in my prayers for a couple weeks.
About two weeks after my disappointment, I was out for a morning run. This was just after general conference and I think I was still feeling a spiritual high from the big missionary age announcement. I was listening to my ipod as I ran and the song "I can only imagine" sung by Josh Groban started up in my ears. I began to sing it too and I had one of those spiritual experiences that happen sometimes to me while I run and ponder.
I pondered on the day I meet my Savior face to face. How WILL I respond? What will I do? I realized my great blessings and I wanted to thank Him with everything I have. I realized that because of the unexplicable pain he went through, I have had a beautiful life full of hope and joy. I realized that the few days of mild to moderate discomfort I experience everymonth are nothing compared to the suffering He experienced just for me let alone all of humanity. I reflected on the fact that I can take these monthly episodes of pain and use them to help me reflect on the Atonement of Jesus Christ and I vowed right then to do so and stop complaining.
I do still use natural products to "take the edge" of the pain so that I can continue to function in my day to day life, but since this experience I have chosen to embrace my monthly reminders of my Beautiful Savior. I love Him so much.
I think it's no cooincidence that about 5 days after this paradigm shift, I received information leading me to a self diagnosis of my problem. My daughter Amberly is taking a woman's health class at BYU and she texted one evening while she was in class telling me that they were learning about endometriosis and wondering if that might be what I had. I had always heard endometriosis was painful periods and I don't have painful periods so I hadn't ever researched it, but as we texted, I started googling and found plenty of evidence to suggest this is just what I've been dealing with.
The merciful thing is that it confirmed my decision to accept the pain and deal with it the best I can. I have wondered for years if I should have a hysterectomy and this helped me decide that isn't necessary or a guarantee of a resolution to my problem and it may just add new problems. It's so nice to not be wondering what to do anymore. That has been the greatest blessing to this answered prayer.
About two weeks after my disappointment, I was out for a morning run. This was just after general conference and I think I was still feeling a spiritual high from the big missionary age announcement. I was listening to my ipod as I ran and the song "I can only imagine" sung by Josh Groban started up in my ears. I began to sing it too and I had one of those spiritual experiences that happen sometimes to me while I run and ponder.
I pondered on the day I meet my Savior face to face. How WILL I respond? What will I do? I realized my great blessings and I wanted to thank Him with everything I have. I realized that because of the unexplicable pain he went through, I have had a beautiful life full of hope and joy. I realized that the few days of mild to moderate discomfort I experience everymonth are nothing compared to the suffering He experienced just for me let alone all of humanity. I reflected on the fact that I can take these monthly episodes of pain and use them to help me reflect on the Atonement of Jesus Christ and I vowed right then to do so and stop complaining.
I do still use natural products to "take the edge" of the pain so that I can continue to function in my day to day life, but since this experience I have chosen to embrace my monthly reminders of my Beautiful Savior. I love Him so much.
I think it's no cooincidence that about 5 days after this paradigm shift, I received information leading me to a self diagnosis of my problem. My daughter Amberly is taking a woman's health class at BYU and she texted one evening while she was in class telling me that they were learning about endometriosis and wondering if that might be what I had. I had always heard endometriosis was painful periods and I don't have painful periods so I hadn't ever researched it, but as we texted, I started googling and found plenty of evidence to suggest this is just what I've been dealing with.
The merciful thing is that it confirmed my decision to accept the pain and deal with it the best I can. I have wondered for years if I should have a hysterectomy and this helped me decide that isn't necessary or a guarantee of a resolution to my problem and it may just add new problems. It's so nice to not be wondering what to do anymore. That has been the greatest blessing to this answered prayer.
Tender Mercy at the Temple
June 30, 2012
Today I headed to the temple to do inititories after a 6 mile run and some hot yard work. I hoped there wouldn't be much of a wait in the middle of the day and I was happily surprised to find I was the only patron there to do inititories. I knew it was my mom's shift so I asked the sister at the desk if she knew where Sister Horsley was working and she said she thought mom was at the veil. I told her to tell mom hi from her oldest daughter when she saw her and then I was taken to the booth. Since there was nobody in the booth, I could hear the sisters quietly talking and realized I recognized my mom's voice. I gave a little knock to let the sisters know I was there and I was welcomed into the washing booth. I quietly asked if Sister Horsley was in the Anointing booth and was told she was. I let the sister know I was her daughter and put my finger to my lips so she would keep the surprise. When mom came to do her part she was shocked to see me there. Next she administered the Anointing part of the inititory and we were both overcome to have her speak those incredible words while I was the proxy. We both were in tears as she finished her part. It was an amazing experience, one I will never forget. To have my own mother administer that ordinance to me was powerful beyond belief. A truly tender mercy from our Father in Heaven.
Come Thou Fount/Oh How Lovely was the Morning
April 1, 2012
This morning I had a beautiful experience with the spirit. My sister Janice is here visiting from Kentucky for a couple of weeks and we wanted to have a chance to run together so Frances, Janice, Maria and I and our friend Julia went for a 6 mile trail run before conference.
Ever since I went with Amberly on choir tour, one of my favorite songs has been Come Thou Fount. I love the melody and words. On the way home I had the radio to a station playing inspirational music. There was an arrangement of Oh How lovely was the Morning being sung to the tune of Come Thou Fount. I was able to join in singing and soon tears were streaming down my face as these two beautiful songs combined in a wonderful way. I love those surprising moments of strong spiritual power that come unexpectedly. One of the many tender mercies God has given me.
Jeffrey
June 30, 2012
Today I headed to the temple to do inititories after a 6 mile run and some hot yard work. I hoped there wouldn't be much of a wait in the middle of the day and I was happily surprised to find I was the only patron there to do inititories. I knew it was my mom's shift so I asked the sister at the desk if she knew where Sister Horsley was working and she said she thought mom was at the veil. I told her to tell mom hi from her oldest daughter when she saw her and then I was taken to the booth. Since there was nobody in the booth, I could hear the sisters quietly talking and realized I recognized my mom's voice. I gave a little knock to let the sisters know I was there and I was welcomed into the washing booth. I quietly asked if Sister Horsley was in the Anointing booth and was told she was. I let the sister know I was her daughter and put my finger to my lips so she would keep the surprise. When mom came to do her part she was shocked to see me there. Next she administered the Anointing part of the inititory and we were both overcome to have her speak those incredible words while I was the proxy. We both were in tears as she finished her part. It was an amazing experience, one I will never forget. To have my own mother administer that ordinance to me was powerful beyond belief. A truly tender mercy from our Father in Heaven.
Come Thou Fount/Oh How Lovely was the Morning
April 1, 2012
This morning I had a beautiful experience with the spirit. My sister Janice is here visiting from Kentucky for a couple of weeks and we wanted to have a chance to run together so Frances, Janice, Maria and I and our friend Julia went for a 6 mile trail run before conference.
Ever since I went with Amberly on choir tour, one of my favorite songs has been Come Thou Fount. I love the melody and words. On the way home I had the radio to a station playing inspirational music. There was an arrangement of Oh How lovely was the Morning being sung to the tune of Come Thou Fount. I was able to join in singing and soon tears were streaming down my face as these two beautiful songs combined in a wonderful way. I love those surprising moments of strong spiritual power that come unexpectedly. One of the many tender mercies God has given me.
Jeffrey
March 19, 2012
I remember being told by my babysitter about sex between a man and woman when I was about seven years old. I remember thinking, "Well that makes sense. It's like a puzzle." I wasn't ever disgusted or tramatized by the idea of sex. I thought it was a splendid idea. It wasn't until I got older that I realized it could be nasty, but to me it never has been.
This is probably why I was always interested in sexual things. Chastity was always the challenge for me as a youth. I had boyfriends in high school and even though I don't think I was promiscuous I was definitely curious. I have always believed that the reason I was able to get married as a virgin is because I had the good habits of reading my scriptures and saying my prayers everyday, no matter how I had struggled in the chastity department. I was never rebellious and always wanted to go to the temple worthily.
With this background about me, I want to share a very spiritual experience I had when Kevin and I were dating that helps me know that we have people on the other side of the veil helping us and praying for us to be righteous.
After Kevin and I had been dating for about 6 or 7 months, we were getting pretty comfortable with each other and were pushing the limits of appropriate intimacy. It was pretty obvious we were headed for marriage, but we weren't engaged.
One night after we had pushed the limits, I went to my room and said my prayers and read my scriptures as usual. I climbed into bed and was just at the point where you are about to start dreaming and I saw a young tow-headed little boy about age 3 or 4. I only saw the back of him and it seemed like he was coloring at a counter. He said as clear as can be, " Mommy, mommy. Please be careful."
Well I sat straight up in my bed, wide awake and realized that I was risking not only my own eternal progression, but the progression of my future children. I determined that moment to speak with my bishop as soon as possible. I set up an appointment to see him the next Sunday.
I usually went with Kevin to his mom's house for Sunday dinner so I was a bit unsure of what he would think when I said I couldn't go. When he asked my why I said I was going to see the bishop and confess my chastity problems. When he immediately asked me if I wanted him to go with me, I knew this was a man I could spend forever with. He didn't shirk his own responsibility in the situation. We started visiting with my bishop every two weeks for almost a year until we got married.
When I got pregnant for the third time and we found out we were having a little boy, I knew immediately that this little boy was the one that had come to warn me to be careful. Jeffrey is now almost 16-years-old as I write this and his personality is still very concerned with doing what is right and following the rules and structure provided by society and the gospel. I have no doubt that my son was very concerned with his parents' worthiness to be sealed in the temple and that he did what he did to make sure our family began in the right place.
I'm so grateful to know we have spirits that are concerned about our lives and hope I will live up to the hopes of my descendants in providing them with a righteous heritage.
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